Stay strong

I feel like this post may turn out to be sadder than intended, and perhaps contain some trigger warmings, even though I have tried to avoid it as much as possible. So I'm telling you know, if you feel like you may be triggered by this, then please don't read, I don't want to be responsible for anything! (But you could skip down to the bold parts, because I think everyone should understand what I say there)

I've been thinking a lot recently about this one friend I have (I'll call her Nicole if I ever mention her again to protect her privacy) and I've been thinking of everything she goes through in her life, which is a lot, and every time I do this I am filled with this horrible devastating feeling of losing her. I'm terrified of the thought of not having her in my life forever, but things are really bad with her, and they have been for a long time.
I remember one time a few months ago she messaged me telling me that she was finally going to kill herself, and you have no idea how terrified I was. I was so scared, I was shaking and crying like hell. She also lived in a different country to me so I couldn't call the emergency line, all I could do was message her trying to convince her to call the hospital. Luckily, she sorted everything out and I still have her in my life right now, but I can't get rid of the fear I felt that night.
No matter how hard I try, I still remember how hopeless I felt, and how useless. I was so pissed off with myself because I couldn't do anything, and I hadn't been there for her when she needed it. I'm so glad she's alive because I think I need her in my life. So maybe this is completely selfish, but who cares? I need her, other people need her, and she has to stay alive.

But the point of this post is more to do with how society ruins us and makes us feel that way. It makes us feel horrible when we deserve a million times better. All of us. 
I could spend ages on this topic but I won't. I'll try and summarise it in a few sentences:
It's okay to be whoever you want to be. It's okay to love whoever you want, to be whatever you want, to like whatever you want, to look however you want to look, and to do whatever you want to do (except from like.... killing people, that's not cool)
It's okay to be unsure of what you want in life, everyone is at some point in life. It's okay to try and figure out what you want, and it's okay to say no to some people to think about yourself.
It's okay to look the way you do, tall, short, chubby, skinny, brown, black, white, big hands, small hands, glasses, tattoos, piercings, no tattoos, no piercings, brown hair, ginger hair, blue hair, purple hair, blonde hair, black hair, long hair, short hair, spots, no spots, whatever you look like, it's okay; in fact, it's more than okay. It's perfect. It's absolutely perfect.

In short. Be who you are, and never ever give up on who you are. Stay alive, and stay strong, because there is always someone or something that needs you here. For example, my friend Nicole thought that she had no one to stay for, and that no one would miss her, but I would have done. I would've more than missed her, I think a part of me may have died with her.

One more thing: Try and respect that other people are also just trying to be who they are. They may like different things, different movies and different bands, but that doesn't make them worse than you, just different. And different can be good. So respect them, unless they're physically or emotionally harming you, then learn to love and respect them for who they are, because then they'll do the same for you.

Also, watch this video. I watched it and cried because it honestly helped me realise everything that I've mentioned in this post.

Stay beautiful

Lots of love

Tagging can be fun.... until I have to spend hours thinking of answers to questions about myself

I honestly don't like talking about myself, since I seem to spend the majority of the time going bands! bands! bands! books! books! books! instead of actually explaining anything, which may be odd to hear since I spend the majority of this blog talking about my opinions, but hey-ho.
So Jennifer (Almost too posh to function) tagged me in the Liebster Award so here goes...

Rules:

• Each blogger should answer the questions the tagger has set for you
• Choose eleven new bloggers to pass the award onto and link them in your post
• Create eleven new questions for the chosen bloggers
• Go back to their page and tell them about the award
• Each blogger should post eleven random facts about themselves
• No tag-backs

Question One: What is your favourite musical?

Hmm, I don't think I really do musicals.. I'm not that kind of person, so I'm just going to go for the good old High School Musical. I don't even care, but I love it. Maybe because it's a reminder of the childhood I'm not ready to let go of just yet, who knows?
Or maybe Chicago, I do love Chicago

Question Two: If you could only speak one word for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

Coinkydink. I like that word, it's fun to say

Question Three: What is your dream birthday cake?

I don't really dream about my birthday cake to be honest, just cakes in general. I like all cakes, but I would love one where I could eat Tom Hiddleston's face. Mmm.... Thomas

Question Four: What made you want to start blogging?

I'm not really sure. I had a blog ages ago, but I was a bit crap at keeping it, so I used to blog on Tumblr, except I found that once I started to get a lot of followers, it became harder and harder for me to blog posts like I do on here. I guess that's why I started this blog. I have too many thoughts and no way to control them

Question Five: Who is your favourite singer or band?

AHHHHHH!!!! You can't ask me this question!!! If you ever read my blog, surely by now you know that bands are my area of fangirling and I couldn't possibly pick between my babies! However, if I'm being forced to, then I'll be picking one of these: All Time Low, Young Guns, You Me At Six, Of Mice And Men, Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce the Veil or Mallory Knox.

Question Six: What is your ultimate comfort food?

If it's edible, I'm there.

Question Seven: Where is the one place in the world you want to visit more than any other?

I would say New York, but I'm going there this summer, so apart from New York, I once again have a list: Cape Town, Australia (Sydney/Great Barrier Reef) Ethiopia, Brazil, Mexico, Japan or New Zealand. I can't pick, I'm bad at decisions.

Question Eight: What is your best ever buy, and how much did it cost?

And the mountains echoes, by Khaled Hosseini and I think it was around 12ish pounds?
or All Time Low concert tickets around 27 pounds

Question Nine: When you eventually retire (which in this economic climate will be about three months after you die) what do you want to be able to say you did that made you proud?

I want to say that I became a doctor, but didn't live my life as most doctors do (and I can speak with experience since the majority of my family practice some form of medicine), with greed. I want to be able to say that I used the opportunity that fate and luck gave me by allowing me to be born privileged and did some good in the world. I want to work in a LEDC and if I can say I did that by the time I retire, I will be a very happy dying person indeed

Question Ten: What is your desert island book (or if you don't read, what is your desert island film?)

Harry Potter/A Thousand Splendid Suns (although if I take ATSS then I may cry buckets and buckets when I need to be preserving water.... I may have to reconsider that?)

Question Eleven: If you could meet any celebrity in the world, who would it be?

Only one? That's not how I roll. Here, have another list: Tom Hiddleston, Chris Evans, JK Rowling, Alex Gaskarth, Zack Merrick, Vic Fuentes, Austin Carlile, Jensen Ackles, Martin Freeman, Aidan Turner, Benedict Cumberbatch, Andrew Scott, Colin Morgan, and Bradley James. The list goes on, but I really must stop myself.

Eleven random facts about myself: 
1) My name is Elham Husain
2) I was born in Saudi Arabia
3) I'm an Indian (like seriously, give me a British passport all you like, I will always be Indian)
4) I enjoy talking to other people and I like trying to make them happy, but I'm really bad at it
5) I eat too much food
6) I enjoy learning things, but schools ruin that in everyone by giving us an education
7) I really really badly need to travel the world
8) My bestest friend(s) in the world are Tasha and Nikola, and I haven't ever met either of them D:
9) I am currently revising for my last GCSE exam and hating it
10) I have black hair and brown eyes
11) I enjoy sleeping, but I don't think I do it enough

Okay, so I now need to make up questions for other people:

1) What is the one thing you love the most about yourself?
2) If you had to pick 10 (yes ten, I like lists of things) of your best qualities/features what would they be?
3) What or who could you not live without?
4) Who is your inspiration in life?
5) Is there anything you would like to change about yourself? (I don't know why there would be you're all amazing)
6) What's your favourite place in the world?
7) Name one thing from your bucket list
8) What is your proudest moment in life?
9) Your favourite book/movie/TV show
10) A band, song or singer you like but think they are immensely underrated
11) A fear you have

Now I guess this is the part where I tag people, but alas, I've only been on Blogger for a short amount of time, I only follow a few people, and only have a couple of followers myself, so I don't think I have 11 people to tag. I do still want to know what everybody who reads this thinks! I want to know all your opinions, and I'm genuinely interested in your answers to my questions, so if you read this please, please, please, do this! And if you do tell me so I can read it/mention it on my blog that somebody actually did it!
I will appreciate it so so much, and it'll be a brilliant way for me to actually talk to all the people who read the blog but don't actually follow me, leaving me with no way to know who they are and send them my love and hugs!

So if you do answer my questions and please do, make sure to tell me/comment on this post.

Auf Wiedersehn!

p.s. A few posts ago, I mentioned my immense love for the amazing, but underrated Young Guns, and posted a link to the Kerrang! Awards in which they were nominated for one, they won it. I thought I might mention that considering how my heart swelled with so much pride when I heard that they actually won it!

And the mountains echoed

Khaled Hosseini is one of the most gifted, talented and inspiring writers in the world right now, and I'm not the first person to say this. Any one who's read one of his books can't help but to admit that his writing is almost flawless, and I know that everyone makes mistakes, but to me, Hosseini can't make a single mistake in his writing.

I just finished reading 'And the mountains echoed' literally about 10 minutes ago and I have no stopped crying, while reading the last chapter, I had to keep stopping to dry me tears, blow my nose, and try and stop my heart from aching, because I kid you not my heart was literally hurting; I was struggling to breathe because of the ache in my chest: true story.

It got me wondering, how many writers can do that, physically make us feel the pain? People have their own opinion about their favourite writer, or the one that inflicts the most emotions upon them, but for me it is definitely Hosseini, no other writer has that control over my heart.

I don't want to go into too much detail because I know it is a fairly new book so many people have not read it yet, but I would like to say that with every Hosseini book, I learn more about myself, and definitely after reading 'And the mountains echoed', I have learnt a great deal about the kind of person I am, and want to be.

This book is genius, because it lets you live the life of many different people, who are all linked in some slight way or the other. Perhaps just the smallest of connections they don't know they have to each other, but it exists. It got me thinking, about the stories in our lives. I often walk around and think to myself I wonder what it could be like to live like them? or I wonder how they're feeling? How they got to be who they are?, but I rarely, if ever asked myself the question, how are we linked? Probability wise, we probably aren't linked, but a connection may exist between the two of us in the strangest, slightest of ways, and we may go our entire lives without knowing it exists. Without knowing that a friend of a friend, had a brother who did something, and this had an effect on someone else who's brother I'm currently talking to.
We live in one society, and this reminds me of the great words from Priestly: "...their lives, their hopes and fears, their suffering and chance of happiness, all intertwined with our lives, and what we think and say and do. We don't live alone. We are members of one body. We are responsible for each other."
I hated analysing that play for English, but Priestly had a point, a very important point which he tried to teach in the 1940's, and here we are in 2013, still without learning it.

Another thing it loved about the book is how it made you love and appreciate every aspect of your life. Sometimes, we take way too much for granted, and often I find books try to explain without actually explaining it, by making you read between the lines, which is great because it makes you understand the feelings, but the way Hosseini said it, he explained the words, the exact words, that somebody in that situation would feel, didn't just help you understand the character, but helped you be the character. You could live the characters lives properly without just experiencing the same things as them, but by feeling them, and applying these new feelings to a situation in your own life. That's the magic of Khaled Hosseini.
For example, a character in the book says "I'd been blind to a greater truth, which lay unacknowledged and unappreciated, buried deep within my grievances. It was this: that my mother would never leave me."
This line probably has more impact in context, but I'm trying to keep it as spoiler free as possible (if you ever read the book and get to this part, you'll understand). I'm speaking for myself when I say this, obviously different people have different experiences with their parents, but for me: I argue with them a lot, not as much now as we did before, we have a lot of differences, we don't always get along, and I find myself comparing their parenthood to others and thinking why couldn't I have done ballet when I was three? Why couldn't my parents have done this to me? I don't remember my parents doing this for me?, and I never second guessed myself. This was natural, I wasn't being rude, I was just thinking about different prospects of my life, but I was deep down ungrateful and felt cheated upon, and now I realise that was wrong. I was lucky, incredibly lucky, because, as mentioned above, the greatest gift of all goes unnoticed and unappreciated by children like me who've had ups and downs in our family relationships. My parents will never leave me. I know that. I've always known it, but never acknowledged it, but now I do, and I realise that in a world where people are treated cruelly and parents leave their children every day, mine never would. That's the faith I have in them, and it's a good faith, and I thank them for giving it to me, and I thank Hosseini for making me realise it.

Another thing (the same character) said was: "They saw that much of what they were, would be or could be, hinged on the symmetry of their bone structure, the space between their eyes, their chin length, the tip projection of their nose, whether they had an ideal nasofrontal angle or not."
It's been explained to us so many times by the media that beauty isn't everything and it's what's inside that matters (the same media that shows images of what an ideal beautiful person is like), but none describe it the way that Hosseini does. No one really captures the essence of the stupidity of society. The fact that a few millimetres between the nose or a few millimetres on the length of the nose could literally define your place in society? Surely, that's not right?

Further along the book, another quote got me thinking. This time for a different character:
"All my life I have lived like an aquarium fish in the safety of a glass tank, behind a barrier as impenetrable as it has been transparent... I think I have grown accustomed to the glass and am terrified that when it breaks, when I am alone, I will spill out into the wide open unknown and flop around, helpless lost, gasping for breath." I think that summarises life. We're kept so secure for so long, but eventually the security ends and we're forced out into a world that's horrible beyond compare, that's rude and inevitably sucks. It leaves us lost, damaged, frail and weak, the world kills us all. At the same time, I feel as if the world can save us. Hosseini describes a beauty in the world, this particular character gets out into the real world and deals with her glass breaking by finding beauty that gives her the security that she needs, and I believe I can so that too, if I ever get out into the real world like she did. Not just me, but I believe everyone has the ability to find someone or something to cling onto, and in the end, that is the one thing we all really strive for.

I couldn't possibly describe all of the things I felt during the book because it will take far too long and there are far too many feelings for me to write. I feel like a new person after this book, and I think I need some time to recover. It's going to be some time before I can pick up another book and read it, because honestly, I don't want to be disappointed if it's not as good as  'And the mountains echoed'. Eventually I will read another book, and it'll be good, but I have a love and a passion for Khaled Hosseini's books I can get out of no other writer, and so I am desperately waiting for his next book, but preparing myself for disappointment, because we all know how long he takes to get a book out. That being said, we only have three books, but we have three heart-breaking, breath-taking, flawlessly executed, wonderfully sad, and emotionally traumatising books that cannot compare to if we have had ten that weren't as good.

I'll just leave you all with this quote: "I know now that some people feel unhappiness the way others love: privately, intensely and without recourse." and I think this is a basic summary of this book, my feelings towards this book, this world, and the way I believe a large number of people in this world feels.

I feel like I've written some kind of literature essay, but obviously this was more fun because I wasn't analysing, I was understanding. (Maybe this is how English teachers feel?)
I'm also still crying when I think of this book, and I don't know if my heart will ever stop hurting.


I found a sad little fairy
Beneath the shade of a paper tree.
I know a sad little fairy
Who was blown away by the wind one night.

Young Guns: one of the best bands around right now

Aloha amigos

I'm not Spanish I'm pretentious....

But I was sitting in my bedroom today, after having suffered a major emotional shock that I won't go into today but I may share the traumatic experience some day, and I was listening to my music, and I just had to express my love for Young Guns.

The band Young Guns, not the movie, although I do love the movie too.

I think Young Guns are one of the most underrated amazing and talented bands in the world. Words could literally not describe how much they mean to me, and yes I say this about every other band, but the two bands that I really mean it for are All Time Low, and Young Guns. I've already dedicated a post to ATL so I thought that it's time I rambled on about how much YG mean to me.

They are so amazingly talented, there are no two ways around this fact. Yes, people have their own opinions about bands they like and I'm not out to change that, but you can't deny these guys talent. Just watch this video, okay!

I remember listening to this song in January after I'd heard about Young Guns a few months back but never really had the opportunity to listen to properly and thinking that this was one of the best rock songs to come out of England in a long time. And it really is, and now look at it, doing so well in the US.
Not gonna lie when I heard they got number one in America I was so so so happy! I felt so proud of them, and proud of myself for finding such good music!
I say they're underrated, because they are... a little, not that many people know about them, even tough they did get a number one, but still...

I don't really know where I'm going with this so here's a list of the reasons why I love Young Guns:

• they're so funny! I don't understand, but pretty much all band members in the world are hilarious... I dunno, but my theory is that they all go to some kind of band boot camp where they learn about things like jumping on stage, head banging, and being funny.... YG were just one of the ones who excelled the most at the most at this so-called boot camp. Simon and Ben obviously got A's in the 'funny' class and Gus got an A is his jumping around on stage... seriously watch one of their live performances and ask yourself this question: how the fuck does he do that? I get tired just casually walking up the stairs...
• their live performances are kick ass. I don't know of many bands that perform like that live, and they're happy to play small and big venues which I love love love love love love!! And it hurts, it physically hurts that I haven't seen them live, even though they came to a city so close to me :'(
• they put their heart and soul into their music. No joke, but you can literally see the passion they have for the music they make and listen to and I love it because you can tell that they're so happy to be doing what they do
• Gus is a major reader, from what I've gathered, and I love that, because so am I! And I just wanna meet him and discuss all our book collections and I wanna get book recommendations from him and it'll be awesome! (that being said they all hate Harry Potter and my heart sank a little because THEY'RE WRONG. NO ONE CAN HATE HARRY POTTER AND THEY'RE JUST WRONG. I respect everyone's opinion, but HARRY POTTER IS NOT AN OPINION IT IS A FACT!)

( Also, Ben is a Liverpool fan but I tend to ignore that fact and pretend that he's a United fan in my head, Gus is a Chelsea fan but that doesn't irritate me as much....)

Young Guns are one of the most amazing bands in the universe, and people need to check them out!!
Start with Bones (video above) then listen to Crystal Clear, Dearly Departed, Towers, and Weight of the World, which are some of my favourites
I wish I'd done this post earlier and I could have told everyone to go vote for Young Guns as Best British Band in the Kerrang! Awards but I didn't :(
But oh well... there's still about an hour so GO GO GO GO

http://awards.kerrang.com/Default.aspx