I'm joining the trend: Doing a 2013 year review.

I've always found year reviews hard to do because how do I sum up the entire year? There have been way to many different things, both good and bad for me to say whether this was a nice year or I'd rather it didn't exist.
But I figured I'd give it a go.

At the beginning of 2013 I was really excited. I thought this was going to finally be the year I turned things around and I felt like I was finally growing into exactly the kind of person I want to be, but in fact I'm a lot different now than what I was in January, and not in the way I expected. And now I realise that no year is the year "I'm going to grow into my personality" because people are always changing and I'm no exception.
Also, I had some new year's resolutions I set myself and I failed most of them and some I didn't fail. Most are too private for me to share but I'll share a couple:
     I did not manage to stop clicking my fingers
     I did however get my head down and finish high school without *too many* major incidents. Saying that there was some major drama but that's just life I suppose.
There were, however, many many different things I wanted to accomplish by the end of 2013 that I haven't even thought about since January, and other things that I have thought about but haven't really gone the way I'd hoped.
So I've decided that in 2014 I will not set myself any resolutions. I will not set unrealistic goals, some of which are the same every year, for myself, and I will not reach December feeling as if I have failed myself in the year. I will let my life take its course and I won't get caught up in the things that don't matter and I'll allow myself some more time to just do stuff rather than sit down specifically thinking about the list of unrealistic things I have to do.
But I suppose I can't help but feel, or hope, that maybe this year might just be my year. It's futile to hope though.

So to conclude this year I'm going to try hard to think about the positive things, the things that mattered, rather than the negatives. I don't believe in forgetting all the bad things though, because we need them to grow as people.
So here's my summary of the year:

Good things:

• Went to India after 4 years
• Met Tasha (on the internet but whatever)
• Nikola
• Saw All Time Low live
• Saw Mallory Knox live
• Met Sam and Dave from Mallory Knox
• Left high school once and for all
• Went to America/Canada
• Completed a very specific new year's resolution that was the hardest thing I've ever done and is still going on and this is very vague but it's a really really important part of this year
• And The Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
• GCSE's
• Fall Out Boy came back
• Iron Man 3
• Thor: The Dark World
• The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug
• Catching Fire

And of course there were some negatives:

• My chemical romance break up
• I start college
• College
• College
• People at college
• Social situations at college
• College subjects are hard
• (Nikola) 
• A certain failed (again I know it's vague but still) new year's resolution that changed my life

So, 2013 wasn't great but it wasn't too bad. There are certain things that I would do a thousand times over and certain things I wish never ever happen again to me or to anyone. 

I know the holidays can be a difficult time but I hope everyone has a good one anyway. And if 2013 wasn't the best year, then stick around because one of the coming years have to be better.

I don't care how cheesy that sounds, it's true. One of these years is going to be brilliant. Who knows, it may even be 2014?

Happy holidays everyone.

6pm

I like walking home alone in the dark.
There's something very beautiful about the way the leaves blow in the wind.
It's quite awesome how listening to music alone feels.

It feels a bit like you're in your own world, you can see people around you, you can see their lips moving, you can see what they're doing, but no one can hear your music. It's kind of like that music, at that moment in time, is yours. And that's pretty cool.

Music kind of means a lot to me. People say this a lot, and often when phrases become widely used, certain people start claiming that the phrase "is a lie" and "you're only following the crowd", when in fact, have they considered, that maybe music does kind of mean a lot to a lot of people?

But I find that listening to music helps me distance myself from people sometimes, and I think that's really important: to find comfort in solitude.
Music helps me take a deep breath and I'm pretty sure we've all learnt about how taking a deep breath is necessary.
In a busy lifestyle, sometimes there aren't many breaks, but if you look really hard, you can find one in something as simple as walking to and from college, or in brushing your teeth before bed, or having breakfast on the kitchen table, or listening to music as you do work (or listening to music as you procrastinate as I am currently doing)

I know I post about bands a lot, but I'm seeing Mallory Knox live in 5 days and that's pretty exciting. I really love the feel of a concert. No where else would you find complete strangers so close together in the same room as each other. Complete strangers with their on life story, their own problems, their own home, their own work, but for a few hours just that one night, you can forget about everything, and literally just live in the moment.
It doesn't matter that you have to go home in a few hours, and you have work in the morning; you forget everything, and bond with complete strangers over that one shared happiness of just being there. That's pretty amazing.

I think everyone should go to concerts, whatever kind of concerts they may be, and just forget about everything for a little while. Because forgetting everything can be just as important as remembering it all.


On another note, I feel obliged to say RIP Nelson Mandela.
The world has lost a truly inspirational and very important man. He changed this world, and I think he stood for something brilliant.
 Also, well done to the human race for letting at least one freedom fighter die of old age rather than be assassinated.
My only hope is that the world keeps remembering all that he taught us, and doesn't forget about his importance as a part of human history.

It feels fitting to end this post by the following quote from the man himself:
"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear" - Nelson Mandela

I'm just rambling a bit really.

So the last time I made a blog post was two months ago, and I feel like I should have been updating this blog a bit more often.
What would I write about though?
How hard college is? It seems like everyone's being talking about that.
How great my trip to India was? Yeah it was pretty awesome but I find it hard to sum India up so that blog post would probably be the size of a novel.
How wonderful Thor was? It was pretty wonderful and I did really like a little bit of shirtless Thor, but I had a feeling that blog post would mostly be "OMFG ASJAGLIUGF TOM HIDDLESTON/CHRIS HEMSWORTH"

That left me with.... nothing. Absolutely nothing to talk about.
But I've decided that I am going to talk about college, but now about how hard it is, because we all kind of get that now, but more about the social aspect of college.

Socially, college sucks.
A lot of my friends have gone to different colleges, which has forced me to try and mix in with a different social group: bad idea.
You know when clever people are at school, they think that they're really clever, and it's okay because it's just school and there's not too many of them? But at college, all the clever people from the different schools have come together, formed one large social group, and are ruining my life.

I won't go into the details of why, but let's just say ignorance is not always bliss. Being ignorant is fine sometimes, but sometimes, you do have to care about other people's problems, or at least know about them so you can stop yourself from saying something offensive or rude, or at least be able to realise when you've said something unpleasant.

I hate being one of those girls, but let's face it; a large majority of white, straight, privileged men are very ignorant to many problems in this world. They know about racism and sexism, but don't bother about it. They don't care about it. They're just simply a little bit ignorant, and when many of them come together in one large group: it's hell.

They also don't apologise. They've been taught to assert their authority.
I, on the other hand, as a brown girl, have been brought up knowing that apologising is the only way forward, and I've been shown by the media, by movies, and by stories, how coloured people and women are always second best if not third best or fourth best to everyone else.

And that irritates me. I think it irritates me more since by having spent the last four years of my life in an all girls school, I didn't come across many people like this.

So to sum up: College sucks, people suck, I don't like it, Thor was great, India was great, I just want to spend the rest of my life reading books and listening to music by myself.




PS. Watch this video. I think it's really moving.

I've been ruined

So recently I became the last person in the world (since it seems as if everyone has already done this) to read The Fault in our Stars and I, like everyone else who read this book, will make comments about how sad it was, and how amazing John Green is.

But I realised something a lot more important while I was reading the book: I've been ruined by good authors. Good authors, such as John Green, JK Rowling and of course Khaled Hosseini, have ruined my ability to read and appreciate books.
It's a bit like when certain celebrities are so amazing *coughcough* Tom Hiddleston *coughcough* that you feel as if any normal guy will never be enough for you.

It's a bit like that. I've been spoiled by good books so much that now it seems as if I could read other books, but I wouldn't be able to appreciate them as much. I've been exposed to truly wonderful writing and breathtakingly beautiful stories so much that it seems as if any other book won't please me as much as it would have done if I'd read them before I read A Thousand Splendid Suns.

Nothing normal will be good enough for me because the media has ruined my perception of normal.

No normal book will be good enough for me, because The Kite Runner exist.
No normal guy will be good enough for me, because Tom Hiddleston exists.
No normal school will be good enough for me, because East High School (from High school musical for those of you who don't know) exists.

So to sum my existence up: I'm going to suffer all my life because I'm a below average girl with above average expectations.

A thousand lives is better than one

I've neglected this blog for what feels like an extremely long time and fallen into my usual habit of putting-things-off-to-do-them-later-but-never-doing-them-until-eventually-it's-too-late-to-do-them, or otherwise known as 'procrastination'
It's horrible. I remember when I used to get things done. *nostalgic sigh* now those were the days.

I've been thinking about what I've done all summer and I've come to the conclusion that I've done.... nothing. Absolutely nothing. I've been on holiday, I've come back home and I've sat in my bed and read books and watched TV shows.

At least I'm finally reading again, so I've decided that instead of thinking of something fascinating to write I'm just going to list the books I've read/plan to read in the "summer" (notice the use of the sarcastic speech marks since I live in England and we don't really get a summer.... currently I'm huddled in a duvet)

1) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring by JRR Tolkien (must read book)
2) Deception Point by Dan Brown (really really good book... he really is as good as the hype suggests)
3) Sherlock Holmes series by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this book. My obsession with Sherlock grows)
4) The Declaration series by Gemma Malley (great modern fiction which was a nice change from my heavy reading classics)
5)The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins (I'm going to be honest here. It doesn't live up to the hype. It's brilliant! But not as good as the hype suggests it should be)
6) One Day by David Nicholls (courtesy of Jenny and it really is a brilliant book. We all need a good romance once in a while)
7) Tess of the D'urbevilles by Thomas Hardy (I'd read this before but now that I'm older I understood the storyline a lot better and it is definitely a good book, and I personally think a very important book to read. The only issue I have with it that even though it was written such a long time ago, the issues are still relevant when they should have been in our past by now)
8) Hard Times by Charles Dickens (Next on my list to read, and I'm not quite sure what to expect. I look forward to it though)
9) Harry Potter series by JK Rowling (It's just not a summer till I re-read these books)

I hope you found that interesting, although probably not. One thing I do suggest is go read all the books I've listed. Reading is fun and enjoyable and I think that everyone should have a list of books to read.

"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."
CS Lewis

The Big Apple

So I've just come back from holiday and I feel as if so much has happened that I could write about... I could probably talk about the holiday for hours and hours because so much happened, but I'll try and sum up my experiences very quickly.
New York is awesome, just as you would imagine it to be! The city is the same as the pictures but seeing it all first hand was an amazing experience. I loved the holiday, even though it was hot and sweaty, I have tan lines from my sandals on my feet and a 6 hour halt at Lisbon airport bored me to death.

Also, the subway is horrible, absolutely horrible. There are rats, it's hot with no AC, the trains are slow and not very frequent, and the barriers don't let you through until you swipe your card at exactly the right speed - not fun.
Times Square is the best place in the world and I'm in love with it. I'd happily spend every day in my life sitting there, and we got up onto one of the screens there as well which was pretty awesome. We waved at ourselves for like three minutes and like recorded the entire thing.... :/

Look... me in Times Square :)

I would live in New York, even if it was the worst city in the world just for the public library. I have never seen another building as beautiful in my life, and I loved the idea of just reading in there. It was beautiful and massive... Think of all the books!!
Central Park was beautiful, and huge with it's ponds and lakes and fountains and castles and statues and concerts. We sat there for a good hour and spent another good hour walking through it. I can just imagine having picnics and birthday parties there when I'm older!

We also went to Canada which I also loved a lot. It's a beautiful country and the people are lovely. It reminded me a lot of England, but bigger and cheaper. The people we stayed with kept telling us a lot about this huge book store, and it's just a shame that we didn't go to it.
Niagara Falls is extremely beautiful. We spent an entire day sitting by the falls, having a picnic and it was very scenic and beautiful (also there were about four families of our relatives meeting up so there were a good 20 brown people at least.... but it was okay, because half of Canada was brown!)
We also went to Canada's wonderland which is a theme park and it was aweessoommee!! However, I will never understand why humans feel the need to make ourselves purposefully scared for our lives, just for the thrill of it? I'm not complaining though, I love the thrill.
We also saw Now You See Me at the cinema and it was such an amazing movie! I'm surprised at the lack of hype for it, considering how great it was! It has also now become my life's purpose to learn cool new card tricks like this:

My holiday was amazing, and in case you didn't notice... I would love to live in New York City... even though the people and the weather is nicer in England.
I don't think that's ever been said "The weather is nicer in England" but it is! You say you want the heat, but could you really stand 40 degrees Celsius when 25 is a heatwave? And could you survive snow up to your knees when your whole country turns into a chaotic mess with one tiny layer of snow?

I think this post may become too long, but I thought I may share some things I've learnt from this holiday with you:

• Learning Portugese is good while travelling with TAP Portugal
• If you have a 6 hour halt at Lisbon airport, go outside, don't spend it all in the airport
• Lisbon is beautiful... from the plane at least
• Subways suck
• Be prepared for extreme heat in Canada and America
• Books are a necessity on planes and long car rides
• Water is permanently required
• Take a change of clothes on a hot day because you may sweat through your first set (it sounds gross, but trust me)
• When swiping your card on the Subway, make sure you do it at an average speed, not too slow and not too quick, then check the screen - if it says go you push the barrier and walk through (they don't open for you like the London ones) or it may say Please swipe again in which case... you may be stuck. Subways are hell
• If you see a cheap souvenir shop, buy from it, you probably won't have time to 'shop around and re-visit'

I don't know if that was useful, but it sure would have helped me

Love,

The Ham Master

Stay strong

I feel like this post may turn out to be sadder than intended, and perhaps contain some trigger warmings, even though I have tried to avoid it as much as possible. So I'm telling you know, if you feel like you may be triggered by this, then please don't read, I don't want to be responsible for anything! (But you could skip down to the bold parts, because I think everyone should understand what I say there)

I've been thinking a lot recently about this one friend I have (I'll call her Nicole if I ever mention her again to protect her privacy) and I've been thinking of everything she goes through in her life, which is a lot, and every time I do this I am filled with this horrible devastating feeling of losing her. I'm terrified of the thought of not having her in my life forever, but things are really bad with her, and they have been for a long time.
I remember one time a few months ago she messaged me telling me that she was finally going to kill herself, and you have no idea how terrified I was. I was so scared, I was shaking and crying like hell. She also lived in a different country to me so I couldn't call the emergency line, all I could do was message her trying to convince her to call the hospital. Luckily, she sorted everything out and I still have her in my life right now, but I can't get rid of the fear I felt that night.
No matter how hard I try, I still remember how hopeless I felt, and how useless. I was so pissed off with myself because I couldn't do anything, and I hadn't been there for her when she needed it. I'm so glad she's alive because I think I need her in my life. So maybe this is completely selfish, but who cares? I need her, other people need her, and she has to stay alive.

But the point of this post is more to do with how society ruins us and makes us feel that way. It makes us feel horrible when we deserve a million times better. All of us. 
I could spend ages on this topic but I won't. I'll try and summarise it in a few sentences:
It's okay to be whoever you want to be. It's okay to love whoever you want, to be whatever you want, to like whatever you want, to look however you want to look, and to do whatever you want to do (except from like.... killing people, that's not cool)
It's okay to be unsure of what you want in life, everyone is at some point in life. It's okay to try and figure out what you want, and it's okay to say no to some people to think about yourself.
It's okay to look the way you do, tall, short, chubby, skinny, brown, black, white, big hands, small hands, glasses, tattoos, piercings, no tattoos, no piercings, brown hair, ginger hair, blue hair, purple hair, blonde hair, black hair, long hair, short hair, spots, no spots, whatever you look like, it's okay; in fact, it's more than okay. It's perfect. It's absolutely perfect.

In short. Be who you are, and never ever give up on who you are. Stay alive, and stay strong, because there is always someone or something that needs you here. For example, my friend Nicole thought that she had no one to stay for, and that no one would miss her, but I would have done. I would've more than missed her, I think a part of me may have died with her.

One more thing: Try and respect that other people are also just trying to be who they are. They may like different things, different movies and different bands, but that doesn't make them worse than you, just different. And different can be good. So respect them, unless they're physically or emotionally harming you, then learn to love and respect them for who they are, because then they'll do the same for you.

Also, watch this video. I watched it and cried because it honestly helped me realise everything that I've mentioned in this post.

Stay beautiful

Lots of love

Tagging can be fun.... until I have to spend hours thinking of answers to questions about myself

I honestly don't like talking about myself, since I seem to spend the majority of the time going bands! bands! bands! books! books! books! instead of actually explaining anything, which may be odd to hear since I spend the majority of this blog talking about my opinions, but hey-ho.
So Jennifer (Almost too posh to function) tagged me in the Liebster Award so here goes...

Rules:

• Each blogger should answer the questions the tagger has set for you
• Choose eleven new bloggers to pass the award onto and link them in your post
• Create eleven new questions for the chosen bloggers
• Go back to their page and tell them about the award
• Each blogger should post eleven random facts about themselves
• No tag-backs

Question One: What is your favourite musical?

Hmm, I don't think I really do musicals.. I'm not that kind of person, so I'm just going to go for the good old High School Musical. I don't even care, but I love it. Maybe because it's a reminder of the childhood I'm not ready to let go of just yet, who knows?
Or maybe Chicago, I do love Chicago

Question Two: If you could only speak one word for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

Coinkydink. I like that word, it's fun to say

Question Three: What is your dream birthday cake?

I don't really dream about my birthday cake to be honest, just cakes in general. I like all cakes, but I would love one where I could eat Tom Hiddleston's face. Mmm.... Thomas

Question Four: What made you want to start blogging?

I'm not really sure. I had a blog ages ago, but I was a bit crap at keeping it, so I used to blog on Tumblr, except I found that once I started to get a lot of followers, it became harder and harder for me to blog posts like I do on here. I guess that's why I started this blog. I have too many thoughts and no way to control them

Question Five: Who is your favourite singer or band?

AHHHHHH!!!! You can't ask me this question!!! If you ever read my blog, surely by now you know that bands are my area of fangirling and I couldn't possibly pick between my babies! However, if I'm being forced to, then I'll be picking one of these: All Time Low, Young Guns, You Me At Six, Of Mice And Men, Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce the Veil or Mallory Knox.

Question Six: What is your ultimate comfort food?

If it's edible, I'm there.

Question Seven: Where is the one place in the world you want to visit more than any other?

I would say New York, but I'm going there this summer, so apart from New York, I once again have a list: Cape Town, Australia (Sydney/Great Barrier Reef) Ethiopia, Brazil, Mexico, Japan or New Zealand. I can't pick, I'm bad at decisions.

Question Eight: What is your best ever buy, and how much did it cost?

And the mountains echoes, by Khaled Hosseini and I think it was around 12ish pounds?
or All Time Low concert tickets around 27 pounds

Question Nine: When you eventually retire (which in this economic climate will be about three months after you die) what do you want to be able to say you did that made you proud?

I want to say that I became a doctor, but didn't live my life as most doctors do (and I can speak with experience since the majority of my family practice some form of medicine), with greed. I want to be able to say that I used the opportunity that fate and luck gave me by allowing me to be born privileged and did some good in the world. I want to work in a LEDC and if I can say I did that by the time I retire, I will be a very happy dying person indeed

Question Ten: What is your desert island book (or if you don't read, what is your desert island film?)

Harry Potter/A Thousand Splendid Suns (although if I take ATSS then I may cry buckets and buckets when I need to be preserving water.... I may have to reconsider that?)

Question Eleven: If you could meet any celebrity in the world, who would it be?

Only one? That's not how I roll. Here, have another list: Tom Hiddleston, Chris Evans, JK Rowling, Alex Gaskarth, Zack Merrick, Vic Fuentes, Austin Carlile, Jensen Ackles, Martin Freeman, Aidan Turner, Benedict Cumberbatch, Andrew Scott, Colin Morgan, and Bradley James. The list goes on, but I really must stop myself.

Eleven random facts about myself: 
1) My name is Elham Husain
2) I was born in Saudi Arabia
3) I'm an Indian (like seriously, give me a British passport all you like, I will always be Indian)
4) I enjoy talking to other people and I like trying to make them happy, but I'm really bad at it
5) I eat too much food
6) I enjoy learning things, but schools ruin that in everyone by giving us an education
7) I really really badly need to travel the world
8) My bestest friend(s) in the world are Tasha and Nikola, and I haven't ever met either of them D:
9) I am currently revising for my last GCSE exam and hating it
10) I have black hair and brown eyes
11) I enjoy sleeping, but I don't think I do it enough

Okay, so I now need to make up questions for other people:

1) What is the one thing you love the most about yourself?
2) If you had to pick 10 (yes ten, I like lists of things) of your best qualities/features what would they be?
3) What or who could you not live without?
4) Who is your inspiration in life?
5) Is there anything you would like to change about yourself? (I don't know why there would be you're all amazing)
6) What's your favourite place in the world?
7) Name one thing from your bucket list
8) What is your proudest moment in life?
9) Your favourite book/movie/TV show
10) A band, song or singer you like but think they are immensely underrated
11) A fear you have

Now I guess this is the part where I tag people, but alas, I've only been on Blogger for a short amount of time, I only follow a few people, and only have a couple of followers myself, so I don't think I have 11 people to tag. I do still want to know what everybody who reads this thinks! I want to know all your opinions, and I'm genuinely interested in your answers to my questions, so if you read this please, please, please, do this! And if you do tell me so I can read it/mention it on my blog that somebody actually did it!
I will appreciate it so so much, and it'll be a brilliant way for me to actually talk to all the people who read the blog but don't actually follow me, leaving me with no way to know who they are and send them my love and hugs!

So if you do answer my questions and please do, make sure to tell me/comment on this post.

Auf Wiedersehn!

p.s. A few posts ago, I mentioned my immense love for the amazing, but underrated Young Guns, and posted a link to the Kerrang! Awards in which they were nominated for one, they won it. I thought I might mention that considering how my heart swelled with so much pride when I heard that they actually won it!

And the mountains echoed

Khaled Hosseini is one of the most gifted, talented and inspiring writers in the world right now, and I'm not the first person to say this. Any one who's read one of his books can't help but to admit that his writing is almost flawless, and I know that everyone makes mistakes, but to me, Hosseini can't make a single mistake in his writing.

I just finished reading 'And the mountains echoed' literally about 10 minutes ago and I have no stopped crying, while reading the last chapter, I had to keep stopping to dry me tears, blow my nose, and try and stop my heart from aching, because I kid you not my heart was literally hurting; I was struggling to breathe because of the ache in my chest: true story.

It got me wondering, how many writers can do that, physically make us feel the pain? People have their own opinion about their favourite writer, or the one that inflicts the most emotions upon them, but for me it is definitely Hosseini, no other writer has that control over my heart.

I don't want to go into too much detail because I know it is a fairly new book so many people have not read it yet, but I would like to say that with every Hosseini book, I learn more about myself, and definitely after reading 'And the mountains echoed', I have learnt a great deal about the kind of person I am, and want to be.

This book is genius, because it lets you live the life of many different people, who are all linked in some slight way or the other. Perhaps just the smallest of connections they don't know they have to each other, but it exists. It got me thinking, about the stories in our lives. I often walk around and think to myself I wonder what it could be like to live like them? or I wonder how they're feeling? How they got to be who they are?, but I rarely, if ever asked myself the question, how are we linked? Probability wise, we probably aren't linked, but a connection may exist between the two of us in the strangest, slightest of ways, and we may go our entire lives without knowing it exists. Without knowing that a friend of a friend, had a brother who did something, and this had an effect on someone else who's brother I'm currently talking to.
We live in one society, and this reminds me of the great words from Priestly: "...their lives, their hopes and fears, their suffering and chance of happiness, all intertwined with our lives, and what we think and say and do. We don't live alone. We are members of one body. We are responsible for each other."
I hated analysing that play for English, but Priestly had a point, a very important point which he tried to teach in the 1940's, and here we are in 2013, still without learning it.

Another thing it loved about the book is how it made you love and appreciate every aspect of your life. Sometimes, we take way too much for granted, and often I find books try to explain without actually explaining it, by making you read between the lines, which is great because it makes you understand the feelings, but the way Hosseini said it, he explained the words, the exact words, that somebody in that situation would feel, didn't just help you understand the character, but helped you be the character. You could live the characters lives properly without just experiencing the same things as them, but by feeling them, and applying these new feelings to a situation in your own life. That's the magic of Khaled Hosseini.
For example, a character in the book says "I'd been blind to a greater truth, which lay unacknowledged and unappreciated, buried deep within my grievances. It was this: that my mother would never leave me."
This line probably has more impact in context, but I'm trying to keep it as spoiler free as possible (if you ever read the book and get to this part, you'll understand). I'm speaking for myself when I say this, obviously different people have different experiences with their parents, but for me: I argue with them a lot, not as much now as we did before, we have a lot of differences, we don't always get along, and I find myself comparing their parenthood to others and thinking why couldn't I have done ballet when I was three? Why couldn't my parents have done this to me? I don't remember my parents doing this for me?, and I never second guessed myself. This was natural, I wasn't being rude, I was just thinking about different prospects of my life, but I was deep down ungrateful and felt cheated upon, and now I realise that was wrong. I was lucky, incredibly lucky, because, as mentioned above, the greatest gift of all goes unnoticed and unappreciated by children like me who've had ups and downs in our family relationships. My parents will never leave me. I know that. I've always known it, but never acknowledged it, but now I do, and I realise that in a world where people are treated cruelly and parents leave their children every day, mine never would. That's the faith I have in them, and it's a good faith, and I thank them for giving it to me, and I thank Hosseini for making me realise it.

Another thing (the same character) said was: "They saw that much of what they were, would be or could be, hinged on the symmetry of their bone structure, the space between their eyes, their chin length, the tip projection of their nose, whether they had an ideal nasofrontal angle or not."
It's been explained to us so many times by the media that beauty isn't everything and it's what's inside that matters (the same media that shows images of what an ideal beautiful person is like), but none describe it the way that Hosseini does. No one really captures the essence of the stupidity of society. The fact that a few millimetres between the nose or a few millimetres on the length of the nose could literally define your place in society? Surely, that's not right?

Further along the book, another quote got me thinking. This time for a different character:
"All my life I have lived like an aquarium fish in the safety of a glass tank, behind a barrier as impenetrable as it has been transparent... I think I have grown accustomed to the glass and am terrified that when it breaks, when I am alone, I will spill out into the wide open unknown and flop around, helpless lost, gasping for breath." I think that summarises life. We're kept so secure for so long, but eventually the security ends and we're forced out into a world that's horrible beyond compare, that's rude and inevitably sucks. It leaves us lost, damaged, frail and weak, the world kills us all. At the same time, I feel as if the world can save us. Hosseini describes a beauty in the world, this particular character gets out into the real world and deals with her glass breaking by finding beauty that gives her the security that she needs, and I believe I can so that too, if I ever get out into the real world like she did. Not just me, but I believe everyone has the ability to find someone or something to cling onto, and in the end, that is the one thing we all really strive for.

I couldn't possibly describe all of the things I felt during the book because it will take far too long and there are far too many feelings for me to write. I feel like a new person after this book, and I think I need some time to recover. It's going to be some time before I can pick up another book and read it, because honestly, I don't want to be disappointed if it's not as good as  'And the mountains echoed'. Eventually I will read another book, and it'll be good, but I have a love and a passion for Khaled Hosseini's books I can get out of no other writer, and so I am desperately waiting for his next book, but preparing myself for disappointment, because we all know how long he takes to get a book out. That being said, we only have three books, but we have three heart-breaking, breath-taking, flawlessly executed, wonderfully sad, and emotionally traumatising books that cannot compare to if we have had ten that weren't as good.

I'll just leave you all with this quote: "I know now that some people feel unhappiness the way others love: privately, intensely and without recourse." and I think this is a basic summary of this book, my feelings towards this book, this world, and the way I believe a large number of people in this world feels.

I feel like I've written some kind of literature essay, but obviously this was more fun because I wasn't analysing, I was understanding. (Maybe this is how English teachers feel?)
I'm also still crying when I think of this book, and I don't know if my heart will ever stop hurting.


I found a sad little fairy
Beneath the shade of a paper tree.
I know a sad little fairy
Who was blown away by the wind one night.

Young Guns: one of the best bands around right now

Aloha amigos

I'm not Spanish I'm pretentious....

But I was sitting in my bedroom today, after having suffered a major emotional shock that I won't go into today but I may share the traumatic experience some day, and I was listening to my music, and I just had to express my love for Young Guns.

The band Young Guns, not the movie, although I do love the movie too.

I think Young Guns are one of the most underrated amazing and talented bands in the world. Words could literally not describe how much they mean to me, and yes I say this about every other band, but the two bands that I really mean it for are All Time Low, and Young Guns. I've already dedicated a post to ATL so I thought that it's time I rambled on about how much YG mean to me.

They are so amazingly talented, there are no two ways around this fact. Yes, people have their own opinions about bands they like and I'm not out to change that, but you can't deny these guys talent. Just watch this video, okay!

I remember listening to this song in January after I'd heard about Young Guns a few months back but never really had the opportunity to listen to properly and thinking that this was one of the best rock songs to come out of England in a long time. And it really is, and now look at it, doing so well in the US.
Not gonna lie when I heard they got number one in America I was so so so happy! I felt so proud of them, and proud of myself for finding such good music!
I say they're underrated, because they are... a little, not that many people know about them, even tough they did get a number one, but still...

I don't really know where I'm going with this so here's a list of the reasons why I love Young Guns:

• they're so funny! I don't understand, but pretty much all band members in the world are hilarious... I dunno, but my theory is that they all go to some kind of band boot camp where they learn about things like jumping on stage, head banging, and being funny.... YG were just one of the ones who excelled the most at the most at this so-called boot camp. Simon and Ben obviously got A's in the 'funny' class and Gus got an A is his jumping around on stage... seriously watch one of their live performances and ask yourself this question: how the fuck does he do that? I get tired just casually walking up the stairs...
• their live performances are kick ass. I don't know of many bands that perform like that live, and they're happy to play small and big venues which I love love love love love love!! And it hurts, it physically hurts that I haven't seen them live, even though they came to a city so close to me :'(
• they put their heart and soul into their music. No joke, but you can literally see the passion they have for the music they make and listen to and I love it because you can tell that they're so happy to be doing what they do
• Gus is a major reader, from what I've gathered, and I love that, because so am I! And I just wanna meet him and discuss all our book collections and I wanna get book recommendations from him and it'll be awesome! (that being said they all hate Harry Potter and my heart sank a little because THEY'RE WRONG. NO ONE CAN HATE HARRY POTTER AND THEY'RE JUST WRONG. I respect everyone's opinion, but HARRY POTTER IS NOT AN OPINION IT IS A FACT!)

( Also, Ben is a Liverpool fan but I tend to ignore that fact and pretend that he's a United fan in my head, Gus is a Chelsea fan but that doesn't irritate me as much....)

Young Guns are one of the most amazing bands in the universe, and people need to check them out!!
Start with Bones (video above) then listen to Crystal Clear, Dearly Departed, Towers, and Weight of the World, which are some of my favourites
I wish I'd done this post earlier and I could have told everyone to go vote for Young Guns as Best British Band in the Kerrang! Awards but I didn't :(
But oh well... there's still about an hour so GO GO GO GO

http://awards.kerrang.com/Default.aspx

Good bye school, this really is good bye

So today was the last day of my high school experience and I can't really use words to express the joy I feel inside me right now. I don't think those words exist, and yes, everyone says that they won't miss high school and half the school was trying to be 'cool' and pretend they weren't bothered, but I could tell they were. And that's fine for them... they can feel whatever they want to about high school, I couldn't care less, but I hated it. Absolutely despised every second of every day. From day one in that September back in 2009.
 I don't think there's been a single day when nothing has gone wrong. Everything went wrong. Every dingle day, but of course I did have days when things went well, like the time we wrote a letter to the IT Crowd, and the time we tried to summon a demon (no joke... it didn't work), but then we also had the arguments and the bitching, but it's not just that. It's the basic fact that every where I went, from day 1, every thing I heard people say about me was negative. All the time. It can't just be me being paranoid I could literally hear them saying it. Of course Year 8 me was a lot more peppy than Year 11 me, so I tried to fit in and I tried to make friends. I tried really hard for a long time. There was Year 8 and my group of friends then, we drifted away from each other. Not anyone's fault to be honest, and I still sit with them in form. Then there were my Year 9 friends, and some how we made it through into Year 10. Then I lost them all, they all hated me, they made fun of me and they treated me like shit. You couldn't really expect me to stay friends with them? The Year 11 friends, I lost one, and no regrets there she treated us like crap too, but I still have three people I could count as my friends.
I know it's hard to believe, but I really do have some friends. To prove it here I am with one of them, celebrating the end of PE lessons in our horrible, horrible PE kit:

 We recently had a leaver's assembly, and some one said that they insisted that they were one of those people who could count their friends on one hand, but then they realised that they had a lot of friends. I'm sorry to break it to this person: Sophie, Sammy, Jenny - one hand. If we're counting outside of school too: Sophie, Sammy, Jenny, Tasha, Nikola - one hand.
Someone also said "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" and, well frankly, all I could think was 'don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over'.
And yes, I may sound 'anti-peppy', pessimistic and all that other crap, but you survive four years of high school at the same level on the school's status ladder as me and still be as peppy as a Year 8!

Not only was it friends, it was teachers too. I am constantly ignored by all the teachers, they all hate me and I really don't understand why. The people who I just pass in the corridor, they're so rude. People walk around and make you feel like crap, the littlest thing you do and say is made fun of. Having an opinion in school - impossible.

But you know what, I'm not going to give a crap about the past four years of my life, but I'm going to care about what's next for me, because you know what? Those were most definitely not the best four years of my life. I am going to do something amazing in the future, and I'm going to be happy with what I do. Here's a list of all the things I will accomplish in my life, despite the past few years and all it's bull shit:

• I'll finish my GCSE's
• I'll go to College and study Maths, Biology, Chemistry, and Phycology
• I'll apply to university
• I'll go on a gap year:
• I'll go to South Africa (Cape Town specifically, for some reason it has been one of my favourite places ever... maybe it's because the word 'cape' reminds me of superhero's, and I could really use a superhero right now.
• I'll go to Ethiopia and/or Ghana to do many months of charity work there
• I'll go to work in Australia and/or New Zealand
• I'll get into university and study medicine
• I'll graduate and then study psychiatry
• I'll become a psychiatrist
• I'll write a couple of novels, maybe about how crap high school has been, maybe about my gap year adventures? Maybe, one day, I will be able to write as well as Khaled Hosseini (but we all know that won't happen - he's too good)
• I'll work in England for a little while
• I'll move countries, maybe to one of the places I go in my gap year
• I'll return to Ghana or Ethiopia and become a doctor there, at least for a little while
• I'll maybe get married and have kids, or maybe I'll just get loads of cats, or maybe I'll just adopt a couple of children

Okay, so maybe I'm a bit over ambitious, but there's nothing wrong with that? I can only hope I manage to do most if not all of this. I have a plan for my life, and luckily school didn't completely ruin it. In fact, I even have some teachers to thank, like my Geography teacher who in our previous lesson told us about gap years and travelling around the world, which only confirmed this idea that was growing in my mind.

So basically my point was: screw you school.

What do we really count down for?

1 down.. 12 to go!
Those are the stats for my exams this year... 1 down, 12 left.

So I recently had my first exam of the year (urgghhh Maths!) and I only have 12 left!!! *sarcasm* that's a lot of exams. And all I'm waiting for is the day when I can go "only one exam left" and then soon after I can be so excited by the prospect of no more exams, an exciting summer ahead of me, and yes... NO MORE HIGH SCHOOL!

Some people may be a little bit sad to leave, and good for them, high school obviously treated them well, but not me. Since the first couple of weeks of high school I have been literally counting down till I get to leave, maybe not always the days but by Christmas of Year 8 I was thinking that 1/12th of my Davison life had gone and I only had to that 11 more times, not too hard, right? Wrong.
It was horrendous. It sucked and at the end of Year 8, it wasn't so much joy at the thought of summer I was feeling, but more joy at the thought that I had gone through a 1/4 of my high school experience. And by Year 9 I had made it through a half and at the end of Year 10 I only had one year left and by the time Year 11 started I had a countdown calendar going and now I can't really believe that it's only 45 days till my last exam, 49 till Prom then it's all over. Forever. Finally.
I couldn't begin to describe how much high school sucked.... Best four years of my life no fricking way.
I refuse to accept that this is it. Who knows, the rest of my life may be utter crap, and if so then I'm not looking forward to it because some real shit has to go down for these four years to have been as good as it gets! Okay, maybe for the chavs and high school 'popular' kids who only really got a kick out of school by intimidating others and making other people feel bad, maybe high school was as good as it gets for some of them.... but for people like me, the people who have been battered, bruised, kicked down and walked over for four years, this is not the end.

There is not one little thing I will miss about this hell hole of a school, not even the people. You know what my logic is, friends don't last forever, not at this age anyway. We all have to move away and on with our lives that's just the way the world works, and if we don't keep in contact, then we can't have been that close any way.
And besides... who am I kidding? I really only have like three or four friends. Tops.

I don't know if I really had a specific point, I kind of went off on one (happens a lot) but I think I was getting at what is the point in all of this? All we seem to do is countdown? Like right now, I'm counting down till my exams are over. Then I'll start college and count down till that's over. Then the same for university. Then I'll get a job, and I sincerely hope I'll enjoy it, but let's face it... not as much as I'll enjoy being back at home in the comfort of my own bed, so I'll be counting down then as well! So what are we really counting down to? Because to me, it seems endless!

That being said, I will carry on counting down till the end of my exams, and I will love every second of the countdown because it's just one day closer to the end of high school.

Ranting is my only skill

I'm losing all faith in this world, and I've said this before numerous times, but I really am. Every time I say this some one or the other will comment on a post, or send me a message saying there's no reason to lose faith in the world, there's some good in the world, it gets better!But here's a question, does it really get better?
Think about it for a second, how much better does it get? Okay, so say I make it out of high school, what next? College and University. Say I make it out of University, what next? A job, marriage and kids if I'm lucky? Where's the getting better part? Because as far as I'm concerned, the world hasn't changed just because I've gotten older, and I can't possibly be so selfish to think that just because I got to university and I got a job that I wanted the world is suddenly a better place? No, it's really not, because the world doesn't revolve around me and it's not going to change any time soon.
This world is messed up, there are no two ways about it.
We were talking in Biology today about feeding the world, and it was mentioned how in certain countries (America, England, other European countries) people are actually dying of obesity. They are dying because they are eating too much, where as there are people in LEDC's across the world dying because they cannot get enough food into their bodies to survive. I'm going to point out here that this is not me having a go at people who eat a lot (hell I'm one of them!), this is me having a go at the system. It strikes me as a bit odd, like how did we get to this? How did the world get to the point where we can literally let other people starve? I don't really understand. I mean, I was raised believing that it is wrong to throw food, because we have to be grateful we even have any, and maybe that's just because I've been raised in an Indian family, and as Indians we see immense poverty within our own country, but that's what I've been taught. Whenever somebody wastes food, it makes me really mad. Even if you don't want to eat it yourself, just think, you are so lucky to even have the option of having food left over to throw away.
This isn't just about starvation though, although that is one of the major problems in the world, it's also about the mentality that some people have. Let me make a list, I like lists.

• People who think it's okay to make fun of other people/make other people feel bad
  Do you not realise that these people you make fun of have feelings? I can't ever comprehend why anyone would think it's okay to make someone else feel upset? Honestly, why would you think that? Again, I don't know if it was the way I was raised or what it is, but if as a kid I ever bad mouthed someone I would be in so much trouble when I got home, maybe that's why I feel the way I do now; whenever, even by accident, I feel as if I've said something rude, I feel guilty for weeks. I'm not very good with words, I'm not articulate and I get nervous talking to people, so I may not always apologise, but I always want to. And I never ever say anything to be deliberately rude. So these people who are constantly rude, I genuinely want to know, why do you do it? Do you find pleasure in making other people feel upset and sad and bad about themselves, because if so I pity you. I think that these people should know that it's not just a couple of words and a laugh. To that person you just called fat, ugly, a freak, etc. it's more than that. The words are like knives, and who knows they may be able to shake it off, but they may not be able to, and your words could just haunt them for the rest of their life, and that's not a risk I'll be willing to take. That laugh could be more than a joke to them, it could be a poisonous sound. They may replay that moment over and over in their head, and they may cry about it later. You never know, so here's a thought. Think before you speak. It's that simple. Then, after you've thought about it, think about what the consequence of your words may be. If that doesn't stop you from saying it, then think about how you would feel if someone said this to you.
  I can't change your thoughts, but I shouldn't have to put up with them being changed into rude words.
• People who hurt or even worse actually murder other people.
  Things like the recent Iraqi and Boston bombings, the wars in the world, the shootings, the terrorist attacks, all of this. Why would people think it's okay to kill innocent people? It's wrong, it's beyond wrong. You can't just decide when people die, you can't just decide to play god, you can't give yourself that authority, you do not have that right. It is not okay to do this. I don't really have many more words for this, because honestly, I don't understand it. I physically can not understand this, if there's someone out there who does, please explain it to me? I feel bad when I even accidently hit someone across the chest, and I'm incredibly weak, so how can you even look yourself in the mirror after actually killing someone? Just, how?
• People who blame without knowing facts
  I'm not talking simple 'I bet it was Barry who stole my biscuits', I'm talking about every time there is a terrorist attack, suddenly it's a Muslims fault. I'm talking about that type of blaming. It's ridiculous. Let me use the recent Boston bombings as an example. The two attackers claimed to be 'Muslims' and suddenly I know people who live in America, some of my cousins (who are Muslims) who are genuinely seeing the difference in the way they are being treated! People suddenly think that everyone they see that is a Muslim is a terrorist. You can not simply group people together like that. You can't blame someone and make them feel like shit just because someone who claims to be following the same religion as them is a bit of a nutter. I keep saying claim, because they aren't real Muslims. I know a lot about this, being a Muslim my self so I'm going to lay down a couple of facts for you.
• Islam = the meaning of Islam is literally 'peace'. I don't know what else I could tell you about that, it's pretty self explanatory really
• Jihad = I'm sure you've heard this word. It means struggle. There are two types of people. The people who read the religion properly and they can understand that the jihad, this struggle is people struggling within themselves to do what is right in the world. This means for them to avoid sins, to help look after the earth etc. It's just these people struggling within themselves, we all do it. We struggle over whether or not we should revise or watch TV, whether we should go to a party or stay at home, it just so happens that Islam has a name for this. Now there are the extremists. I don't want to talk about them because they make me mad and upset, besides this is the only type of Jihad the world's media reports about, I'm sure you could easily look it up, I just needed to explain the real Islamic Jihad.
• the laws about killing in Islam = it says do not kill. I couldn't give you the exact quote but it says something along the lines of 'when you kill one person, it's as if you've killed all of mankind' in the Qur'an
• The media.
  What to say about the media. I'm going to use the Boston/Iraqi bombings as an example, simply because they happened on the same day.The world only cares if you are one of the western countries, like America or England. Iraq needed our prayers and supports, and didn’t get it. Why is this? Why is it that even after so many years since the slave trade etc., there are still small cases of racism, and yes this is a small case of racism from the media, a very small one - they should have reported about Iraq, but they wanted viewers, and they knew that more viewers would watch if they talked about Boston, which is wrong. No one particular place deserves more respect than another place. Both places, Iraq and Boston deserved 50/50 news coverage.
  This also happened on Tumblr. I saw a post where someone made a comment on how it was important to pray for Boston but people had died in Iraq too, I can’t really remember what it said exactly but I don’t think it mentioned Iraq had been bombed too which may have caused the confusion, which again shows how many people didn’t even know about the bombings. Anyway, underneath this post there were comments about how it is wrong to compare tragedies, what’s happening in Boston is current, whereas Iraq has been going on for ages etc. And they are correct, it is wrong to compare tragedies, but the Iraq tragedy was recent too.I mentioned this point to a friend of mine the day after the bombings, and she said “oh no people did know about Iraq, I heard about it,”. Okay, so maybe some people did know about it, but there is no denying that the majority of the Tumblr posts were about Boston, there are more news articles about Boston, pray for Boston was trending, not pray for Iraq, and that is a fact.
• People who listen to all these tragedies, realise that there are tragedies in the world, and only care to get notes, and likes, and only care for a little while, but they don't realise that these things are long lasting. (I'm no longer just talking about the bombings, I'm talking about everything)
  So many times when there is a tragedy, or whenever anything serious happens in the world, for a day or two it will be all over the news and everyone will be talking about it, you'll see Facebook updates, tweets and Tumblr posts on the topic, pray for *insert country name here* will be trending worldwide and I think that's brilliant, I honestly do, but day three or four and the media stops covering the news so people don't feel obliged to make a post about it, and then within a week, they've forgotten it; it's no longer current news so it doesn't matter to them, it's none of their business and they can go back to their everyday lives. Whilst I do think it's brilliant that there is an awareness for things around the world, it irritates me that there is a large number of people who don't really care and just want notes.
  How many people are sitting there and think of ways to actually help those who died? How many people sit there and actually thinking of ways to help those who need it, ever? You hear about things like poverty and natural disasters, and people care for the couple of hours it’s in the news, and how many people actually give a little bit of money, not everyone otherwise there would be no more poverty. How many people actually go out to these countries and help first hand, hardly any.
  Out of the many people who give a little bit of money to charity, first of all, thank you, but how many of them actually realise how they are helping and how many of them are just pushed by either the way they have been raised or the way society around them generally behaves? I know that for ages, I didn't really understand why I was giving money. I understood that it was for charity well enough, I'm not completely stupid, but I didn't quite understand it the way I do now, I didn't really get just how much a little bit helps and I didn't really understand how necessary it was for me to give as much as I can, and honestly if certain things hadn't happened in my life, I don't know if I would have ever understood. I'm curious to know how many people are in the same position I used to be, but either way I don't really care because at the end of the day, they help and that's the important part.

I guess my main point here is that if people have the ability to actually help and don’t, it annoys me. When certain people roll in their money and don’t even think about giving enough to charity so that it even scratches the surface of their money, it irritates me. It annoys me when people make statuses about praying for a place, simply to get likes. It annoys me when people, and the media, emphasise on one tragedy and not on another. It annoys me when people don’t try to make a difference.

At the same time, I know there are still plenty of people who get out there and do make a difference, and the world is running today because of them. The world is going because of every single charity worker, whether it was standing outside a shop with a collection basket or whether it was going out to LEDC’s and helping with projects first hand. They are the reason this world is running today, not because of politicians or soldiers or lawyers, or any one else, but simply because of the charity workers and the kindness in their hearts. It is my goal in my life, to one day be one of them who go out to these countries.

I know there is some good in this world and JRR Tolkien said it was worth fighting for so I’m just hoping he’s correct, because I want to fight, and I will fight, but I just hope it’s worth it.

I feel like I should really make a post about my birthday

I don't know why, but it just feels like if you have a blog and don't post about your birthday experiences.... it's a bit wrong?
I don't know really, I guess I just really want to use this opportunity to express how much I love my friends, and one in particular: Nikola
I met Nikola online and I can't remember the first time we spoke, but it was single-handedly the best decision I've ever made. She lives in Germany but still sent me over a birthday card, which looks a little like this:

Isn't it cute?
Anyway, it wasn't really the card, but more the letter she wrote me that brought a tear to my eye. I couldn't tell you why because I don't really know myself, but I figured out that I really loved this girl, and that she was beyond amazing, and that I'm lucky to know her. She goes through things in her life, we all do, but she's gone through some pretty bad things, and there have been moments when I've been scared beyond compare that I've lost her, and the relief I went through when I figured out I hadn't was second to none. I guess another thing that struck me was that she took time out of her day to buy me this stuff and send it all the way from Germany, and the fact that she takes time out of her day to talk to me so much as well. I'm glad to have her in my life, and I hope everyone has a friend like her, because everyone deserves and needs one.
I have other friends too, not to leave them out, and one friend I need to mention is my Internet soul mate.... I may or may not be hers, but she is definitely mine! Tasha. A million years wouldn't be enough to describe this girl, but I would just like to say that recently she did something so amazing and inspiring that no matter what the consequence, I'm so proud of her for going though with it.
I realise I'm being vague, but these aren't my stories to tell.

Anyway, I guess the main point of all of this is that I went through a phase in my life, a very long phase, where I didn't really have any close friends. I made a couple of friends, but then either I'd end up pushing them away with my anxiety/awkwardness or they would get bored of me. It always happens. I currently have a couple of school friends who I've really only been friends with for a year and this is usually the amount of time when my relationships start to fall apart... so I'm dreading this part really. I have one school friend I've been friends with pretty much since the beginning of high school, for four years, and that is genuinely the longest friendship I've ever had with anyone!
Since I barely have any social skills and lack the ability to make friends, I honestly thought that I would never find anyone that I could open up to, have serious conversations with, who could be there for me and I could be there for them, but we could still have the stupidest conversations and laugh for hours at end. You can imagine my surprise when I met my two best friends who know pretty much everything there is to know about me, but are still by some weird miracle my friends and I can have a crazy laugh with both of them and I'd definitely like to think that I'm there for them and I try my hardest to be 100% of the time, I hope they know that.

I guess this is a really cheesy post, but what can I say.... I like cheese....
(No I'm sorry for that 'joke' it was so bad... doesn't even deserve to be called a joke *sigh* what is my life?)
My stupid jokes aside... I guess what I'm really trying to say is that despite everything we all deserve an amazing friend, and I'm just really lucky to have two.

Peace out
The Ham Master has spoken

My heroes

I've been thinking a lot lately about the 14th of February. Now, to most people this is Valentines day, but to me, it was the greatest day of my entire existence.
This was the day I got to see All Time Low perform live, and no one could ever understand how much that meant to me. I was so close to them, able to see them right in front of me, my heroes. Above all, to see Zack so close to me made me cry (yes, I physically cried at the concert), that man is my hero, and I pretty much owe my life to him. He said something once and I swear it has inspired me to become the best person I could ever be:
               "Put your heart into it, give it all you got"
He said this in a music video, and when he said this, it was the first times I started to understood that my life is in my hands. I control what I do, and if I do whatever I need to with all of my heart, then I can achieve what I want to.
It's not only Zack though, it's all four of these guys, who mean so much to me. Alex, Zack, Jack and Rian.
I can't really emphasise how they helped me, but when things get too much, I can listen to one of their songs and instantly feel better. I met one of my best friends in the whole entire world (Tasha my baby) thanks to our mutual love for this band. They gave me an escape, and a reason to be here. I can't really explain it very well, but they care for every single one of their fans so much. I have met so many people going through certain things, and All Time Low have helped them at some point, that's how amazing this band is - they save lives.
If you needed proof, just listen to this.

Anyway, back to my main point, I've been thinking about how amazing that night was. Not only was it beyond awesome to be so close to my heroes, it was also one of the only times I've felt comfortable being myself. I met some great people there, and I didn't have to fake who I was around them at all, which was great. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to keep in touch since we couldn't find each other after the concert to give each other our numbers, but I'll always have the memory of them and how amazing they were. All of the people I met, and my four heroes.
I guess I just wanted a way of thanking them, and what better way than one of the first posts on this blog? (there must be plenty of better ways but I'm super lazy and in the middle of procrastinating right now....)

Peace out
The Ham Master has spoken

Starting afresh

So I had a blog on here, but I lost the password for it :(... So I'm starting again, and this time (she says incredibly hopefully) I will actually keep blogging on here, and not forget my password...
I may not be on here often right now, because I do have exams and stuff to be doing, but in my down time I'll try and post :)

In celebration of me getting my blog back, I'll treat you to a picture of my cat trying to be a model...


My cat can be really cute sometimes, like yesterday when he was playing with a balloon, but then again he tried to scratch me and bite me at least 4 times this morning...

Peace out,
The Ham Master has spoken