Good bye school, this really is good bye

So today was the last day of my high school experience and I can't really use words to express the joy I feel inside me right now. I don't think those words exist, and yes, everyone says that they won't miss high school and half the school was trying to be 'cool' and pretend they weren't bothered, but I could tell they were. And that's fine for them... they can feel whatever they want to about high school, I couldn't care less, but I hated it. Absolutely despised every second of every day. From day one in that September back in 2009.
 I don't think there's been a single day when nothing has gone wrong. Everything went wrong. Every dingle day, but of course I did have days when things went well, like the time we wrote a letter to the IT Crowd, and the time we tried to summon a demon (no joke... it didn't work), but then we also had the arguments and the bitching, but it's not just that. It's the basic fact that every where I went, from day 1, every thing I heard people say about me was negative. All the time. It can't just be me being paranoid I could literally hear them saying it. Of course Year 8 me was a lot more peppy than Year 11 me, so I tried to fit in and I tried to make friends. I tried really hard for a long time. There was Year 8 and my group of friends then, we drifted away from each other. Not anyone's fault to be honest, and I still sit with them in form. Then there were my Year 9 friends, and some how we made it through into Year 10. Then I lost them all, they all hated me, they made fun of me and they treated me like shit. You couldn't really expect me to stay friends with them? The Year 11 friends, I lost one, and no regrets there she treated us like crap too, but I still have three people I could count as my friends.
I know it's hard to believe, but I really do have some friends. To prove it here I am with one of them, celebrating the end of PE lessons in our horrible, horrible PE kit:

 We recently had a leaver's assembly, and some one said that they insisted that they were one of those people who could count their friends on one hand, but then they realised that they had a lot of friends. I'm sorry to break it to this person: Sophie, Sammy, Jenny - one hand. If we're counting outside of school too: Sophie, Sammy, Jenny, Tasha, Nikola - one hand.
Someone also said "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" and, well frankly, all I could think was 'don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over'.
And yes, I may sound 'anti-peppy', pessimistic and all that other crap, but you survive four years of high school at the same level on the school's status ladder as me and still be as peppy as a Year 8!

Not only was it friends, it was teachers too. I am constantly ignored by all the teachers, they all hate me and I really don't understand why. The people who I just pass in the corridor, they're so rude. People walk around and make you feel like crap, the littlest thing you do and say is made fun of. Having an opinion in school - impossible.

But you know what, I'm not going to give a crap about the past four years of my life, but I'm going to care about what's next for me, because you know what? Those were most definitely not the best four years of my life. I am going to do something amazing in the future, and I'm going to be happy with what I do. Here's a list of all the things I will accomplish in my life, despite the past few years and all it's bull shit:

• I'll finish my GCSE's
• I'll go to College and study Maths, Biology, Chemistry, and Phycology
• I'll apply to university
• I'll go on a gap year:
• I'll go to South Africa (Cape Town specifically, for some reason it has been one of my favourite places ever... maybe it's because the word 'cape' reminds me of superhero's, and I could really use a superhero right now.
• I'll go to Ethiopia and/or Ghana to do many months of charity work there
• I'll go to work in Australia and/or New Zealand
• I'll get into university and study medicine
• I'll graduate and then study psychiatry
• I'll become a psychiatrist
• I'll write a couple of novels, maybe about how crap high school has been, maybe about my gap year adventures? Maybe, one day, I will be able to write as well as Khaled Hosseini (but we all know that won't happen - he's too good)
• I'll work in England for a little while
• I'll move countries, maybe to one of the places I go in my gap year
• I'll return to Ghana or Ethiopia and become a doctor there, at least for a little while
• I'll maybe get married and have kids, or maybe I'll just get loads of cats, or maybe I'll just adopt a couple of children

Okay, so maybe I'm a bit over ambitious, but there's nothing wrong with that? I can only hope I manage to do most if not all of this. I have a plan for my life, and luckily school didn't completely ruin it. In fact, I even have some teachers to thank, like my Geography teacher who in our previous lesson told us about gap years and travelling around the world, which only confirmed this idea that was growing in my mind.

So basically my point was: screw you school.

I feel like I should really make a post about my birthday

I don't know why, but it just feels like if you have a blog and don't post about your birthday experiences.... it's a bit wrong?
I don't know really, I guess I just really want to use this opportunity to express how much I love my friends, and one in particular: Nikola
I met Nikola online and I can't remember the first time we spoke, but it was single-handedly the best decision I've ever made. She lives in Germany but still sent me over a birthday card, which looks a little like this:

Isn't it cute?
Anyway, it wasn't really the card, but more the letter she wrote me that brought a tear to my eye. I couldn't tell you why because I don't really know myself, but I figured out that I really loved this girl, and that she was beyond amazing, and that I'm lucky to know her. She goes through things in her life, we all do, but she's gone through some pretty bad things, and there have been moments when I've been scared beyond compare that I've lost her, and the relief I went through when I figured out I hadn't was second to none. I guess another thing that struck me was that she took time out of her day to buy me this stuff and send it all the way from Germany, and the fact that she takes time out of her day to talk to me so much as well. I'm glad to have her in my life, and I hope everyone has a friend like her, because everyone deserves and needs one.
I have other friends too, not to leave them out, and one friend I need to mention is my Internet soul mate.... I may or may not be hers, but she is definitely mine! Tasha. A million years wouldn't be enough to describe this girl, but I would just like to say that recently she did something so amazing and inspiring that no matter what the consequence, I'm so proud of her for going though with it.
I realise I'm being vague, but these aren't my stories to tell.

Anyway, I guess the main point of all of this is that I went through a phase in my life, a very long phase, where I didn't really have any close friends. I made a couple of friends, but then either I'd end up pushing them away with my anxiety/awkwardness or they would get bored of me. It always happens. I currently have a couple of school friends who I've really only been friends with for a year and this is usually the amount of time when my relationships start to fall apart... so I'm dreading this part really. I have one school friend I've been friends with pretty much since the beginning of high school, for four years, and that is genuinely the longest friendship I've ever had with anyone!
Since I barely have any social skills and lack the ability to make friends, I honestly thought that I would never find anyone that I could open up to, have serious conversations with, who could be there for me and I could be there for them, but we could still have the stupidest conversations and laugh for hours at end. You can imagine my surprise when I met my two best friends who know pretty much everything there is to know about me, but are still by some weird miracle my friends and I can have a crazy laugh with both of them and I'd definitely like to think that I'm there for them and I try my hardest to be 100% of the time, I hope they know that.

I guess this is a really cheesy post, but what can I say.... I like cheese....
(No I'm sorry for that 'joke' it was so bad... doesn't even deserve to be called a joke *sigh* what is my life?)
My stupid jokes aside... I guess what I'm really trying to say is that despite everything we all deserve an amazing friend, and I'm just really lucky to have two.

Peace out
The Ham Master has spoken